I have the tendency to think a lot, or as Michael used to say ‘over-think’ or ‘over-analyze’. This weekend that is exactly what I have done; think a lot. It all started when Lee gave me a phone call to say that he had to cancel our Friday night because he had to work an extra shift. I was so disappointed, because I had been looking forward to it all week. I already knew that I would not see him on the weekend, because he was taking the kids to some family reunion. I felt down and usually when I feel that way other crappy thoughts flow into my mind.

Whenever I feel bad I try to keep myself occupied so I decided to go to the beach by myself. I did some snorkeling which brought me into another world and I truly enjoyed it. Sometimes I wish that I was a fish and could live in the ocean permanently. Whenever I can’t swim for a day or so I stand under the shower for ages just to feel the water on my skin. The snorkeling kept my mind busy for a while, which was great. After that I just stayed on the beach reading a book and watching the sunset by myself.

The rest of the weekend I did a lot of thinking. I thought about my time here on the island, my relationship with Lee and most of all where it is heading. I spend more time with his best friend than I do with him and it’s getting to me. I want to spend more time with Lee, but right now it’s like we’re in this circle that spins around the same way every freaking week. Every week he has two day shifts and we spend the evening together, but with others around. Three days in the week he has late shifts and I don’t see him unless I go the gym to work out. In the weekend he always has his kids coming over. I love those kids, I really do, but sometimes I wish I could spend my weekend off with Lee.

To make a long story short; I want to spend more time with him, see if we have a future together, but the way it is going now I just don’t know if it is going anywhere. Maybe I’m just ‘over-analyzing’ things, maybe I should just lighten up and enjoy the time we do spend together. I just don’t know what to do next…